In a mad search for bottled water and unsalted pistachios, I went to the Walgreens down the street from my house. While walking past makeup displays and Martin Luther King greeting cards, I saw a setup for OSCEOLA KOWBOY tee shirts and hoodies.

Now, I know this doesn’t mean anything to you, but as a proud graduate of Osceola High School, I was thrilled to see Walgreens supporting the home team! 

I’ve actually never been able to rock OHS swag before. Truthfully I could never seem to fit into any of the hoodies when I was in high school (I barely fitted into the 3x shirts!) 

So just for tits and giggles, I thought I would look for the biggest sized hoodie they had. And there, glowing from the back of the rack was the one, 2X!

Most of my adult shopping life has been confined to the Big & Tall section of depleted department stores. It’s become a sad routine for me to hide my unsightly rolls in the comfort of 3 or even 4X tee shirts.

So looking at that blue & gold 2x pullover literally made me gulp like a nervous Bugs Bunny.

Fitting into a 2x would be impossible.

So I thought…. 

It turns out that the impossible isn’t so impossible lately.

(:

Go Kowboys!

It’s difficult to say when I became fascinated with the word “BRAVE.”

Being sent home from Biggest Loser created a domino effect in my life. Everything seemed to unravel at once. 

By August of 2011, I was struggling with severe depression.

For me the hardest part of the day was always in the morning. All the things that were bothering me, all the hurt that I diligently tried to sweep under the rug, would always find me in the morning. In that same place between dream and awake, between consciousness and unconsciousness, my heart took advantage of my lowered defense and forced me to deal with the emotions I never wanted to face. By the time I woke up, I hardly ever wanted to leave my bed. 

It was an eerie time in my life. 

I didn’t feel like myself.

Sometimes I still don’t.

My a-ha moment came sometime in September. I realized that sitting around feeling sorry for myself wasn’t helping me at all. I was completely miserable, yet through that pain I decided to hold on to HOPE with every fiber of my being. That though my heart was breaking, a day would come that would make all of the hurt worth it. 

I think convincing myself that my pain would serve some grand cosmic significance was the only way I got through that depression. 

So on September 16th 2011, I went to a fairly classy tattoo parlor in the mall where I work. With nothing holding me back, I gave 60 dollars to a petite, graffitied covered brunette. In return she carved the phrase “Be brave” on my left wrist. 

On the day I got permanently imprinted, I would say I was more depressed than I’d ever been. But it’s something I wanted to do for my future self.  

For the days I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed, 

for the days that required me to face hidden insecurities,

embrace frightening new experiences, 

or open my heart up to future bruises, 

I would always have that reminder on my wrist,

BE BRAVE.

See what I had to learn the hard way, is that ‘Be brave” simply means to block out all the voices in your head that tell you not to. If your pursuit is pure and noble and genuine, then there’s nothing to think about. JUST DO IT! Because more often then not, the worst-case-scenario that you’ve constructed in your head WILL NOT HAPPEN. And on the off chance that it does, it will not be the catastrophe you have made it out to be.  

If you have a dream, go after it! Life will beat you up every now and then, but it’s from that colossal ass whooping that you develop the character you need to be successful.

The scars that I acquired in 2011 have never found a way to heal completely. It’s like a disability I learn to live with. In fact, till this very day, I carry my fears, anxieties and insecurities in my back pocket. I keep them with me always because they are the core of who I am. And if wearing my heart on my sleeve means that it might get dirty or broken, then so be it! Anything is better than hiding underneath the covers from some hypothetical threat that i’ve made up in my mind.  

Opening yourself up to every God given opportunity without the fear of disappointment is nearly impossible! But if you hold on to hope and try your very hardest to be brave, you will find that a light will turn on inside of you that will never turn off. And from that internal light, you will shine brighter than you’ve ever imagined! You will wear greatness like a cape and nothing will be impossible for you. 

…It’s difficult to say when I became fascinated with the word “BRAVE.” 

I think it’s when I realized that bravery, like joy or love, is an essential part to the human experience. And that often, bravery is the sole ingredient needed to make your life legendary. 

So typically after any workout I’M STARVING.

If i don’t eat something within 30mins of my workout I start to feel incredibly wooooooozy!

So when debating over all my food options, I ultimately decided on Subway. 

I know on Biggest Loser they talk up Subway all the time, but I actually get sick of it FAST!

So just to make things interesting, I took my veggie delight sub home and smeared it in Wholly Guacamole

The entire thing came out to about 330 calories and was honestly delicious. 

(Believe me, I wouldn’t lie about food!)

I would love to say that my morning workout was stellar! That it was the best work out i’ve ever had and that despite all obstacles I was able to move mountains…

But today wasn’t one of those days. 

FIRST HURDLE:

I forgot to bring water!

It’s a rookie mistake, I know! And not having water on the treadmill made the process of running unbearable! My mouth was beyond dry & It kind of tasted like ass after a while. I think not having water was the sole thing that made me leave the gym after only 30mins!

SECOND HURDLE: 

MY FEET WERE KILLING ME!

I’ve been two-a-days in the gym and because of that I have blisters that you wouldn’t believe! It makes it so hard to keep running when my feet hurt so bad! I read that there’s gels that I can put on my feet that will help with that. Defiantly something I need to look in to!

THIRD HURDLE:

Honestly, I just had so much on my mind that it was hard to break through those mental walls. My best workouts come when I completely clear my mind and let my iPod push me to my limits. Today, i could not swat away those annoying feelings of discouragement. 

So after all of that, I decided to cut my work out short and go home. 

BUT THEN A funny thing happened!

As I was walking off the treadmill, shrouded in defeat, I pulled my iPod nano and stopped the bumping #bestrong playlist that shouted from my sweat covered headphones. As I paused the music, NIKE+ informs me that I DID MY FASTEST MILE!

I couldn’t believe it! I still can’t! If only because I thought I did so poorly! In actuality, it turned out to be a landmark moment for me!

So was this workout awesome? Not really. Am I proud of it? YES!

Even though I didn’t meet the expectations I had for myself, I still did something to work towards my goal. 

So on those days when you do a workout your not too proud of, remember, at least your moving! Just give it your all! Be proud of your work out! Own it! 

Sincere effort never goes to waste.