May 2012
37 posts
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“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing...”
– Jeremiah 31:3-4
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I Have One Chin!
Something happened yesterday.
I was at work preparing for a presentation on video editing. I remember just being tired and truthfully a bit bored. I glanced up for a moment and caught my reflection in the dark of a sleeping iMac screen. I stared at it for awhile. “That couldn’t be me” I thought. In disbelief, I rubbed the crust and left over dreams away from my eyes and took a...
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Distractions
I haven’t been working out as much. It’s not that I’m discouraged or anything. Life just got busy all of a sudden. It seems I can’t find an extra 15 minutes to spend blogging or 30 minutes to spend running. I know I need to make the time. I plan to, I just have to finish all these miscellaneous responsibilities first.
There’s been a lot of internal conflict lately....
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Fighting Depression
I was battling a pretty hardcore depression last fall. I think what made that depression so horrible was that I really didn’t know how to go about fighting it.
For me it felt like when you’re playing a video game and you’re not sure what any of the buttons on the controller do. So you just start pushing whatever in hopes that randomly you’ll come across something that...
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“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that...”
– Romans 15:13 (via theelation)
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A Lesson In Patience
Ok so, I’ve been kind of a ghost on here the past few days. I don’t really know how to explain my absence. I suppose I should just start by acknowledging that I’ve been experiencing growing pains that would even make Kurt Cameron scream obscenities.
See, I’m a firm believer that this journey to overall health is just as internal as it is external. You have to fix yourself from the inside out....
My New Blog
I’ve had a lot of stuff going on lately and it’s becoming difficult for me to keep all of my blogging specific to weight loss or confidence or any other #bebrave topics.
So I created a side blog, The Elation, to get out of some of the things that aren’t really relevant to my weight loss journey. It’ll probably be lot of fiction and random ramblings, but you should check it...
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Learning To Love Myself
I almost got married once. I wasn’t like, engaged or anything, but I did have a ring.
I still have the ring.
I started dating my ex-girlfriend when I was 17 years old. We dated for years. It had always been assumed by our families and our friends that we would eventually get married. All of my friends were getting married, or at least in the process of getting married. That could have...
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Hunger Games
Guys, we need to talk.
I’m having an issue and it seems kind of ridiculous, but i’m actually very worried about it.
As of the last few weeks, I’VE HAD NO APPETITE.
I’m worried because I already felt as if I wasn’t eating enough calories and now I KNOW that I’m not eating enough. It’s just hard because i’m not hungry… ever.
I force down...
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The Hero’s Journey
The newest piece of literature that i’m devouring is “The Hero With A Thousand Faces” by Joseph Campbell. The book dissects what Campbell refers to as “The Monomyth” or “The Hero’s Journey.” Which he explains as:
“When A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back...
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Finding My Worth
I would say that for a majority of my life I convinced myself that I didn’t deserve a great woman. I knew in my heart that eventually I’d find a perfect soulmate and fall madly in love and experience all of the happiness that Boy Meets World promised me was attainable. I knew that love would happen eventually, I just never really thought I deserved it.
At well over 300 pounds, I...
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The Second Act
Things go wrong… they do for me everyday.
This thing you call strength is just me highlighting good choices I’ve made.
I make bad decisions too. I contradict myself all the time it seems.
I tell myself that I’ll be strong and still make mistakes that plague my dreams
At night, I go to a treadmill, and I yell at God in silence.
I ask him how long it will be before I get this life...
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“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to...”
– 1 John 4:18-19
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Monthly Weigh In
There is some slight disappointment with this weigh in. It’s hard to read the picture of my scale, but it says in black bold 267lbs. Which means I did lose 11 pounds this past month. I should be proud of that, but I’m not. I REALLY REALLY wanted to hit 265 by May.
265lbs has been my weight loss goal since I started this blog, it marks my -75 pound mark. All my goals are in 25 pound...
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“The unconscious sends all sorts of vapors, odd beings, terrors, and deluding...”
– Joseph Campbell
April 2012
60 posts
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Year of the Gentleman
When I started my weight loss journey, I knew that most of my transformation would be internal. I knew, in order to succeed, I had to fix myself from the inside out.
Working out excessively without confronting internal demons never seemed very productive to me.
Luckily, I have already graduated past most of my insecurity issues. I don’t eat my feelings anymore. I don’t use movies and...
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Be Brave
I am so done with with feeling sorry for myself.
Feeling as though the pressure to be strong is more than I can take.
I’m so over this wave of self doubt and the voice in my head that tells me I am worthless.
SO TODAY I WILL SHUT UP, GET OFF MY ASS, PUT ON MY CAPE AND DO WHAT GOD PUT ME ON THIS EARTH TO DO. PERIOD.
For my purpose is bigger than myself and I refuse to let fear get the...
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To Feel Worthy.
I got in a weird funk tonight. I didn’t understand why until a friend asked me and I was forced to search my brain for a reason. Maybe someone can relate to this.
I simply, DON’T FEEL WORTHY.
People continue to call me a great inspiration and I appreciate that. But in my head, I don’t feel very inspirational. I feel like I am barely scraping by.
I’m not a hero....