The newest piece of literature that i’m devouring is “The Hero With A Thousand Faces” by Joseph Campbell. The book dissects what Campbell refers to as “The Monomyth” or “The Hero’s Journey.” Which he explains as:

“When A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons (gifts) on his fellow man.”

How does this correlate to a weight loss blog? Well, essentially, the Hero’s Journey is one we all take. It could be something supernatural like a mermaid wanting to be human or a group of toys breaking out of a daycare. But it doesn’t always have to be. Sometimes the journey can be a quest to lose weight, recover from addiction, learning to be single again or starting a new job. 

For the purpose of this blog, I will break down The Hero’s Journey in relation to my weight loss. What I’ve gathered is that by understanding the Hero’s journey, we can understand where we are in our own lives and gain insight as to what the future may hold. 

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THE CALL TO ADVENTURE: The hero starts off in a mundane situation of normality from which some information is received that acts as a call to head off into the unknown.

- My call to adventure (weight loss) began with The Biggest Loser. Last year, I made it as a casting finalist for season 12 of the show. My call to adventure was literally a phone call from a casting director telling me that they were flying me out to California. 

REFUSAL OF THE CALL: Often when the call is given, the future hero first refuses to heed it. This may be from a sense of duty or obligation, fear, insecurity, a sense of inadequacy, or any of a range of reasons that work to hold the person in his or her current circumstances.

- When I found out that I would be going to California, I was initially excited. Although, It didn’t take long for me to be consumed with self doubt. I became terrified. I was risking everything knowing there was a huge chance that none of it would work out. I don’t think i’ve ever felt fear like that before. Despite my insecurities, I went anyway, knowing it was worth the risk. 

The Crossing of the First Threshold: This is the point where the person actually crosses into the field of adventure, leaving the known limits of his or her world and venturing into an unknown and dangerous realm where the rules and limits are not known.

- Off I went, me and a suit case full of dreams, headed for what would eventually be known as my biggest disappointment. Thinking about it now, it seems like it was only a moment ago. I remember the strangest little things about that trip to California. What I remember most, is being told that I was going home. 

Belly of The Whale: The belly of the whale represents the final separation from the hero’s known world and self. By entering this stage, the person shows willingness to undergo a metamorphosis. The hero, instead of conquering or conciliating the power of the threshold, is swallowed into the unknown and would appear to have died. This popular motif gives emphasis to the lesson that the passage of the threshold is a form of self-annihilation.

- Basically, you have to die to begin your rebirth. When I got home from California, I  spent the first few months home engulfed in a mind numbing depression. It would have appeared that I was dead. It took a few months for me to recover and keep going in spite of my feelings of worthlessness. 

The Road of Trials: The road of trials is a series of tests, tasks, or ordeals that the person must undergo to begin the transformation. Often the person fails one or more of these tests, which often occur in threes.

- This is basically every time I step into a gym, every food temptation I’ve encountered, or every time I’ve allowed self doubt to kill my ambition. I still believe that I’m currently facing trials and most likely will for the rest of my life. 

The Meeting With the Goddess -This is the point when the person experiences a love that has the power and significance of the all-powerful, all encompassing, unconditional love that a fortunate infant may experience with his or her mother. This is a very important step in the process and is often represented by the person finding the other person that he or she loves most completely.

- I’m gonna skip the details on this one, but there was a girl. I did fall in love and it was a love unlike any love i’ve experienced before… so yeah, it was awesome.

Woman as Temptress - In this step, the hero faces those temptations, often of a physical or pleasurable nature, that may lead him or her to abandon or stray from his or her quest, which does not necessarily have to be represented by a woman.

- I’m gonna skip the details on this one, but there was a girl. I got heartbroken and my depression worsened unlike anything I’ve experienced before… so yeah, it was rough.

Apotheosis - When someone dies a physical death, or dies to the self to live in spirit, he or she moves beyond the pairs of opposites to a state of divine knowledge, love, compassion and bliss. A more mundane way of looking at this step is that it is a period of rest, peace and fulfillment before the hero begins the return.

- I feel that i’m currently on this phase now. I’ve learned from all my heartbreak and setbacks. I’ve somehow begun to master this new lifestyle and the habits that never came easy to me before. I don’t feel broken anymore. Life isn’t a struggle. It’s more like a playground. I have the confidence and the strength to build the life I want. I would definitely say that this is a period of rest, piece and fulfillment. 

The Ultimate Boon The ultimate boon is the achievement of the goal of the quest. It is what the person went on the journey to get. All the previous steps serve to prepare and purify the person for this step, since in many myths the boon is something transcendent like the elixir of life itself, or a plant that supplies immortality, or the holy grail.

- My ultimate boon is achieving my weight loss goal. It’s a little different because my weight loss goal isn’t a certain weight or shirt size, it’s just the feeling of being healthy and being happy with myself. It’s a very abstract goal. I don’t know if i’ll even recognize it when I achieve it. Perhaps I already have. 

The Crossing of the Return Threshold - The trick in returning is to retain the wisdom gained on the quest, to integrate that wisdom into a human life, and then maybe figure out how to share the wisdom with the rest of the world.

- I started my blog specifically for this reason. I’ve been blessed with a new insight to food, fitness and over all life. I feel obligated to share that with as many people as possible. I think that’s how my story comes full circle. I didn’t get on Biggest Loser, but I’ve still found a way to do it all on my own. I lost the weight on my time. I’m inspiring people on my own terms. I did it my way. And I feel there’s something to be respected about that. 

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What I find very interesting is that Campbell is able to use examples from dozens of popular myths to prove how all heroes go through this same outlined journey. Which leads me to believe that the book isn’t about patterns found in myths, but rather the patterns found in life. Sure, these were intended to be plot points for fictional stories. Yet, I’ve always believed that art is a reflection of life and life is a reflection of God. So perhaps it isn’t so crazy to think that we’ve all been wired to take this hero’s journey at some point in our lives. Some might refuse the Call To Adventure and others might dive right in, but it doesn’t change the fact that life will present opportunities for you to achieve greatness. You just have to decide how you want your story to end.  

For me, I’m glad I was brave enough to take the first step. And I look forward to Campbell’s very last stage…  

When Mastery leads to freedom from the fear of death, which in turn is the freedom to live. This is sometimes referred to as living in the moment, neither anticipating the future nor regretting the past.

How damn beautiful is that?

#bebrave

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There is some slight disappointment with this weigh in. It’s hard to read the picture of my scale, but it says in black bold 267lbs. Which means I did lose 11 pounds this past month. I should be proud of that, but I’m not. I REALLY REALLY wanted to hit 265 by May.

265lbs has been my weight loss goal since I started this blog, it marks my -75 pound mark. All my goals are in 25 pound increments and slowly i’m realizing how stressful that can be. It takes FOREVER TO LOSE 25 POUNDS! 

Perhaps if I didn’t go on my cruise and I spent more time in the gym I could have accomplished my goal, but I wouldn’t have traded that experience for the world. I mean, I ran my first 5K this month! I mastered PUSH UPS! I also have spent tons of energy focusing on my internal growth, which may be even more important to me than my weight loss. 

I know off the bat that May is going to be a rough month for me. It was last May, specifically the last week of last May, that my Biggest Loser fiasco happened. It’s gonna be a tough anniversary for me considering I’m still very much obese. 

Even with that being said, I feel good about myself. I feel stronger. Somewhere down the line the Ghostbusters came in and cleansed me with a positive pink slime… I haven’t been haunted by Biggest Loser in months. It’s not even something I really think about anymore.

I’m happy with the way my body and mind has matured over this past year. Hopefully, by May 28th (the one year anniversary of my Biggest Loser rejection) I will have reached my -75pound goal. 

#bebrave

“How does she do it?” I often think to myself. 

The words “Biggest Loser” on their very own incite a feverish depression inside of me, yet she submerges herself in her rejection. 

She almost enjoys it. 

For her, the cut still burns, but she never looks away. She’s never been afraid. She’s determined. More determined than I have ever found a way to be. 

I sit here wondering what it must be like to be her, to be fearless, to be brave. I sit and I daydream while she slams her feet against sun drenched concrete, gasping for enough air to form a single thought. Pounding through the pain she feels in her thighs, knees and feet. 

Her playlist is loud, but not loud enough to drown out her apprehensions.

She’ll briefly toy around with the idea of failure or perhaps even body image, but mostly she thinks of one thing: Finishing.

She whispers to herself “Just one more mile,” and fantasizes about the feeling of vindication that will wash over her when she finishes her race. 

I’m sure she’ll never know how deeply I admire her. I assume she’s too busy to care. But if the opportunity ever arose, and i felt as if I could articulate my sentiments, I would remind her that she is INVINCIBLE. I would tell her that I love the ins-and-outs of who she’s becoming and who she always was. I would say to her that during her weakest moments, unbeknownst to her, I have been quietly chanting an old cheer, quietly rooting her along. Praying for God to push the wind against her back. 

She juggles her struggles with wet nails and timeless grace and sends me a picture before she paints her face “This is me” she’ll tell the world on Facebook. “This is for you” she’ll text me before her run. “This is for me” she’ll say to herself before lacing her sneakers. 

She’s ready. And today is the day the world sees her for what she really is. 

As hard as it is for me to accept, today is the day I will be forced to let her go.

The day I must share my diamond in the rough with the rest of the world… with those who truly need her. 

Her shirt is soaked, her skin is red and her heart is stuttering in her chest.

But there’s the finish line. 

There it is. 

Right there. 

Suddenly nothing else matters. Suddenly there is a hush throughout time and space. Suddenly, without realizing it completely, she has finished her race and her journey is over. 

She grabs a water bottle and looks back at the track behind her. Swishing the water around in her mouth, she gazes at the broken pieces of cocoon that line the side of the street. Smiling, she realizes that she is free.

Nothing is impossible for her.

Nothing ever was. 

And as she recaps her experience to me with a delight I have never heard, I stay mostly silent. I smile at her achievement, I rejoice in her development, but most of all I wonder to myself once more “How does she do it?” 

I don’t think I’ll ever truly know. 

#bebrave

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I just wrote five paragraphs about how I need to start counting my calories, but just writing it frustrated the hell out of me. 

I know counting calories is a huge part of loosing weight, but for me, its not worth sacrificing my sanity.

Too many of my friends get obsessed with loosing weight. They tell me it’s all they think about. I don’t want to get like that. I like having a life that’s not defined by health. That’s why I couldn’t do weight watchers. I was so preoccupied by what I was eating that I couldn’t have simple conversations with people at restaurants. 

I often tell my friends that I feel as though i’m still “in the game.”

what I mean by that is, because I came so close to being on Biggest Loser,  I mentally prepared myself for the game. Till this day I’ll get caught up in “the game” of doing whatever it takes to lose weight. It’s awful. I can feel the game controlling my life. 

My weight loss buddy, whom I met through biggest loser, is doing a phenomenal job with her weight loss. But at times I can hardly feel happy for her. I don’t want her doing better than me, I don’t want to lose, I don’t want to get left behind. 

It is absolutely ridiculous to try and win a game that no one is playing. Not losing myself to my weight loss is the one advantage of not making the show. I can’t dive any further into the delusion of Biggest Loser. I can’t let my desire to be healthy become something I eventually resent. 

I know if I start counting calories this will only get worse. 

Not counting my calories may prolong my weight loss, but honestly i’d rather prolong the process if it means I get to enjoy my life. 

So I will eat what’s healthy if I enjoy it and I will exercise enough to feel proud of myself.  Granted, this mentality might mean I lose the fictional game I’ve created, but I’m ok with that. My sanity is more important. 

After all, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

When you grow up in Florida, going to the beach is an essential part of your adolescence. In high school I would go to the beach at least a few times a month. It was always a fun experience, but I always felt like I was the fattest person on the beach.

I never made a big deal about it. I always pretended like it didn’t bother me. I just stayed covered up and tried not to move much from the safety of my cushioned beach chair. 

It’s a shame because I really do love the ocean. I think I would have spent more time there If I didn’t weigh over 300 pounds for most of my adult life. 

Today was my first time back to the beach since my Biggest Loser fiasco. While making the 80 minute drive to the coast, I had already decided that I wasn’t going to be afraid of the beach anymore. Maybe it was the Shredded Wheat I had for breakfast or maybe is was the balla playlist that scored my road trip, but I felt unusually BRAVE today. 

So after about an hour of internal debate, I decided enough was enough!

and then I did it.

For the first time in my entire life, I TOOK MY SHIRT OFF AT THE BEACH! 

Even In retrospect I can’t believe I did it! I’m so happy I did! 

It probably wasn’t a pretty site for the rest of Clearwater Beach, but I didn’t care!

I think thats a big step. Eventually you have to stop caring what other people think about you. You have to stop assuming everyone is looking at you and judging you. Your mind will play tricks on you and try to convince you that the worst-case scenario is a reality.

That’s just not true. 

Life is too short to be worrying about what people might think about you. Just live your life and make choices that bring you happiness. 

I may have been the fattest person on that beach, but for the first time I didn’t care. I was proud of myself! And that’s worth more to me than all the beaches in Florida. 

#bebrave

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(I’ve been procrastinating writing this one… it wasn’t easy)

CALIFORNIA:

The week before I left for California was a tough one. Never before have I felt such paralyzing loneliness.

For The Biggest Loser, there is a chance that you’ll either make the show or that they will send you home in a week, so you have to plan like your leaving home for 5 to 6 months. One of my biggest challenges was clearing my schedule from May through October. I dropped out of all my summer classes (my last semester mind you!) and I had to leave behind each and every person who matter to me without even telling them where I was going. 

Biggest Loser took confidentiality pretty seriously. So I was going through maybe the most stressful situation in my entire life without any one to talk to about it. 

That’s really when the loneliness crept in.

At night, I found myself cruising around vacant streets, taking good hard looks of everything familiar with the hopes that I wouldn’t forget it. I found myself going to shady bars with shady people, just so I wouldn’t be alone.

There was so much crap going on in my head that I just needed a distraction from it all.

Needless to say, I wasn’t really myself that last week. 

A left Orlando International Airport on a Friday morning. I thought that I would be filled with so much excitement that the loneliness i was experiencing wouldn’t follow me to California …but of course it did.

My plane ride was long and boring. It only gave me more time to think. One of the things I thought about was an email I got from the casting director saying that I was not allowed to talk to the other finalist once arriving in Los Angeles. Apparently this is to keep growing relationships fresh for when the cameras are rolling. I didn’t think too much about it at first. I didn’t realize this meant I had to be almost completely silent for a week straight.

I got off the plane at LAX and met someone from casting in a distant parking lot next to a big van that had “Biggest Loser P-6″ signs on all the windows. I was the second person in my van. There would eventually be five people in my group total and that group was to be the only group of finalist I would have interactions with that week.

My group was made up of an elderly woman, a middle age man, a middle aged woman, and a young girl with a cute hat. I didn’t say a word to any of them. I only offered polite smiles and cool guy head nods.

It’s sounds exaggerated, but I feel like I didn’t talk that entire week. Sure I would say stuff to people from casting or doctors or TV producers, but my appointments usually took up a very small part of my day. The rest of my day was spent watching NETFLIX in my Four Seasons hotel room.

Even around the other people in my group, who would occasionally talk regardless of any rules, I would usually stay pretty silent. And within that silence, the loneliness I felt at home only intensified. 

It got so bad that I thought maybe I’d be happy if I didn’t make the show. Which wasn’t true! I did want to make the show! More than anything! The pressure was just getting too much for me. I couldn’t take it anymore!

For 8 days I sat in a hotel room just waiting. 

I was losing my mind. 

And then it happened… Two people from casting politely knocked on my door and informed me that I did not make the show.

It’s funny… I remember the most ridiculous details of that week. I remember the D-List celebrities I saw at random restaurants. I remember watching House Hunters in the waiting room of the doctors office. I remember the filtered orangey smell of my hotel room. But from that moment on, from the moment I saw the faces of those girls from casting walk in my hotel room, I knew that it was all over… and everything else is a total blank. 

It felt like someone told me my best friend died. 

It just… It didn’t feel real.

It wasn’t until after I got home that it truly set in, that my mind was able to fathom that my once in a lifetime opportunity had passed me by. Biggest Loser was the only way I knew how to do this. Without Bob Harpers help, I would surely spend the rest of my life as a sad obese man.

UNLESS…

unless I could find a way to loose it all on my own. 

Could I find a way to do that? Was there really a way?

Was it possible that MAYBE I didn’t need Biggest Loser after all?

Perhaps all I really needed was just a push in the right direction….

#bebrave 

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